


Running in circles helps no one but neither does standing still

by Balthuza



Category: Shards of the Sun
Genre: Badgers, Fluff and Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9280331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balthuza/pseuds/Balthuza
Summary: When Flick is ten, no one even startles when something tumbles loudly from the stairs. Gin raises her eyebrow at the mess of a child and a badger untangling and bolting into another direction.





	

The first word Flick produces is not a word at all. A badger spread out by her right side puts her head on the infant's palm and nuzzles. Her parents smile and for a moment forget why they decided that babies are too much of a hassle after the first two.  
Newly named Buba’s even breaths lull Flickholm Ginabolt Lorimsy Tonna Permadawdle Miralbi Doublefidget Zipspark Tiffit Amalani Cheribink Libabonk into a deep sleep.

~

When Flick is ten, no one even startles when something tumbles loudly from the stairs. Gin raises her eyebrow at the mess of a child and a badger untangling and bolting into another direction. Steffit pretends not to see a stolen stone in her hand. Twiffle mutters under his breath from where he is working on his order. Berily stops drawing for a while long enough to follow Flicks and Buba’s path and then starts again without a comment, listening to a conversation between them she can barely follow. The pencil shakes and she wipes the faulty line with a sigh.

~

At nineteen, Buba usually spends her time laying at Flick’s feet in the workshop or in a library. They talk less now - keeping it up for long gives Flick a migraine, but Buba doesn’t mind - she enjoys the peace and warmth of the fire.  
It takes Flick nearly six hours to realise Buba is not waking up.

~

At twenty, Flick’s parents worry. She wonders, unable to find a place for herself, moving swiftly from one group of friends to another. They are relieved when she starts to show interest in her classmates. Less, when she doesn’t formally introduce any of them. She drowns herself in school, work and people, and they wonder whether she’ll be able to swim to the surface again.  
Then she comes back, fuming about books and starts writing notes so passively-aggressive that even Gin raises an eyebrow, and they worry a bit less.  
(And if Gin on purpose slows down the delivery of replacement for the missing books, or spends an evening or two making sure that Flick will see few more empty spaces than she usually would on her walk across the library, well, no one’s the wiser. Some days Gin accidentally sees the culprit, and makes sure no one crosses his path when he slips away with an armful of books.)

~

When Flick is twenty two, for the first time she sees her parents absolutely livid. The argument echoes in the rumor mill of the city, especially when a few hours later Steffit comes back with an infant in his hands. The worker fired that day is not heard from again. Apparently he left a letter.  
Flick sees her brother for the very first time this day. Her parents exchange a glance and she is allowed to chose his very first name.

~

Nilnan is five when Gin pulls Flick aside and talks with her. Nil is sitting still, absolutely certain that if he does that long enough he’ll become invisible. Flick finds out why Nil seems older and bigger than other children his age.  
‘You shouldn’t lie to him, love. Someday you’ll find there wasn’t enough time for him to learn the truth.’

~

The first time Flick hears somebody call Nilnan a half-blood she is 29 and just learned how to use a mage hand. She pulls the idiot’s pants down in front of the girl he fancies, throwing in a comment about halves. None of her classmates ever mentions it, but Nil can walk through the Academy more-or-less freely.

~

When Flick is 44 she goes back home unable to look at anyone, especially Nil, locks herself in her room and doesn’t go out for three days. She doesn’t sleep either. For the second time in her life she is truly helpless, but this time it is her own fault.

~

The day she runs away, Flick scribbles a tiny "I’m sorry" on a piece of parchment, her hand shaky and handwriting nearly unrecognizable, and puts it under Nil’s door as soon as she is sure he’s asleep.  
She is packed already - next to Nil’s old backpack - enormous thing she is barely able to lift, are the things she knows she can’t take. The pins, all of them crested with the family mark on the back and hers’, Nil’s, father’s, Twiffle’s or Berily’s in the front are neatly laying in a row on the covers of her bed. Same goes for her hairclips, marked with family symbols and flashy - they’d make it easy to find her. Next to that is a dagger and a slingshot she’ll put on her belt. Feeling a twinge of anxiety and grief, she takes the dagger and for the last time draws her fingers through smoothened curls, then cuts high enough to make sure they won’t be nuisance on a road or in work. Automatically, she tries to straighten the pile, but gives up. She puts the dagger in the scabbard on her belt and tries to avoid any mirrors. The blue glass jar of conditioner stands on the bed like an accusation. The fruity smell that does not smell like any fruit she’s ever had still hangs around her head.  
With some difficulty she sneaks out of her own home, without a goodbye.


End file.
